I Believe in Conversation...

Hopefully back for the rest of Lent...

2009-03-23T16:28:00.002-05:00

Well, I have missed about eight days total now I think. I am hoping that with Reading Week in swing, I can get back to this blogging promise. For today, I have a story to share with you.

I know someone who went to church yesterday to a denomination that I won't name. This person was handed a "sin test" when they walked into the sanctuary. They scored high.
And now that person called me today and was feeling bad about themselves.

Today, I am in prayer for those who are feeling terrible about who they are because of what the church tells them. And I am thinking about how we define "sin" and the effects of those definitions.

Another Fun One....

2009-03-18T18:06:00.002-05:00

USING ONLY SONG NAMES FROM ONE ARTIST, CLEVERLY ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!

Pick Your Artist: The Beatles

Are you male or female: "She's a Woman"

Describe yourself: "Help!"

How do you feel about yourself: "Helter Skelter"

Describe where you currently live: "Octopus's Garden"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: "We All Live in a Yellow Submarine"

Your best friend is: "Here Comes the Sun"

Your favorite color is: "Strawberry Fields Forever"

You know that: "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da"

What's the weather like: "Good Day Sunshine"

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: "All you Need is Love"

What is life to you: "Blackbird"

What is the best advice you have to give: "Let It Be"

If you could change your name, what would it be: "Penny Lane"

HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
***I know I have missed some days of my Lenten Blogging Promise and have been pretty shallow lately...Reading Week needs to be here.

What's on my mind...

2009-03-15T19:18:00.003-05:00

I do believe in love. I do believe in love. I do believe in love.

I don't believe in spending a lot of money for one day in your entire life...
I don't believe in helping people feel like they have to look a certain way...
I don't believe that the reception is the most important part...
I don't believe that the state should decide who gets to participate...
I don't believe that the license from the state should have a Bible Verse on it...
I don't believe that a person is born to complete another one that is incomplete...

I do believe in love. I do believe in love. I do believe in love.

I do.

Emily

A Prayer for my Friends...

2009-03-14T08:43:00.002-05:00

I missed two days. I was aware but we finally hit "that time" in the semester this past week, or at least I did. Hopefully, I can keep blogging through Lent every day like I had planned even though school and church are becoming increasingly crazy...

This past week I have had friends experience the whole spectrum of human emotion. There has been joy, relief, fear, anger, sadness, gratitude, hopefulness and I am sure there are so many more. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I am prayerful for all of you and wanted to share a prayer that I wrote down sometime on Monday and have been praying ever since, every day and will continue to pray.

Dear Creator God,
I pray right now for all of my friends. Sometimes things happen that we do not understand, sometimes we do not even care to understand, God, hold all of my friends near to your heart today. Help them realize that you cry with them and you are ever-present in their sorrows. Today, God it is my prayer that new opportunities arise and your gift of creativity and imagination are used. I give you thanks for the happy things that have happened and for obstacles that are no longer there.
God, we are all over the place with what we are experiencing and feeling. Be present with us in your good grace and help us feel your calming presence.
I thank you for my friends, each and every one of them. Bring them peace.
In the name of Christ we pray and continue to seek...Amen.

Just thought this was kind of fun...

2009-03-11T19:24:00.002-05:00

What was the number one song on the day you were born????

Go here and find out...http://www.joshhosler.biz/

On October 13th, 1984 the number one song was "I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder. Find out and let the blogging world know. :)

(I realize that my posts have been light-hearted this week. There are some things brewing in my mind that I will share when my week slows down a bit.

This kept me smiling today...

2009-03-10T22:24:00.003-05:00

In the midst of LOTS of stress, I just kept thinking about a little Australian accent, saying..."There's a Roo in my Room!"

Kangaroo intruder terrorizes Aussie sleeping family

Mon Mar 9, 9:36 am ET

CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.

"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window. It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in," Beat Ettlin told local media on Monday.

The three metre (9 feet) kangaroo smashed through the window in Ettlin's Canberra home on Sunday night.

While Ettlin and his wife and young daughter took refuge under the blankets, the injured kangaroo jumped on top of them, gouging holes in the furniture and smearing blood all over the walls, said the Australian Associated Press.

The next thing Ettlin heard was his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'"

Ettlin, a 42-year-old chef, wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, got it into a headlock and dragged it out the front door. The kangaroo disappeared into bushes.

(Reporting by Michael Perry; Editing by Dean Yates)

hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehe, :)
Enjoy! Em
PS---I AM glad that no one was too badly harmed, including the kangaroo. ;)

Sabbath as a Way of Life...

2009-03-09T20:50:00.002-05:00

Sabbath is not just a day to me. It used to be. It is becoming a way of life.
What are your thoughts about how Sabbath should be observed?
Short post tonight, because well...I am calling it a night. Sabbath and all. :)

This makes me nervous....

2009-03-08T23:10:00.002-05:00

I am going to post my sermon today...and it makes me nervous. But for the sake of time, the lenten discipline and not being sure of what to say about today's service I just think sharing this will work best. Be gentle, in fact if you have concerns...I have an e-mail address that is checked. a lot.

Mark 8: 27-38---March 8th, 2009---Second Sunday of Lent
Today, in our scripture reading we are faced with the same question that Simon Peter is asked by Jesus. Who do YOU say that I am?
Everything is going along really well in Simon Peter’s world. In fact things are going so well that he is starting to use the M word…he believes that he is following the Messiah. He has decided to drop his net and give up the only way he knew how to live. He leaves his family and the security of his home to follow this man and really it has served him well so far. As he follows Jesus with the others (he even got to make some friends a long the way), he began to see the signs of the in-breaking of the kingdom--the sick being healed, the lepers being cleansed, the crippled walking, a tax collector becoming a disciple, the wind and sea being calm, 5,000 being fed, Jesus walking on water, the blind seeing. Simon Peter was getting excited to follow this one. Things were working out for him. And so as they are walking along, Jesus calls these followers of his to answer a question. Who do people say that I am? And after some answers that did not seem to please him, he got to the point. Who do YOU say that I am?
So when pressed for who Jesus was, Simon Peter feeling pressured at this point to just answer him and get it over with exclaimed, "You are the Messiah!" And wow, was he disappointed with the response he got! I can just imagine all of them standing there and their jaws dropping lower and lower and Jesus started talking about the suffering that he would face soon and even more the resurrection that was in the works. And they were probably all standing around wondering why in the world Simon Peter was not being congratulated for using that M word to answer Jesus’ question. And so being the brave one of the group (or so he thought), Simon Peter takes him aside and begins to ask that he kindly shut up. Simon Peter tells him no to talk about those things, expecting a big hug from Jesus and a “thank you friend for reminding me of what I should talk about”, Simon Peter was called Satan! I can imagine that the disciples’ jaws are on the floor now! And poor Simon Peter, he must really feel like an idiot. But there is something here that we can learn from the quick to speak, over-excitable, sometimes dense Simon Peter.
Have you ever not read the fine print of something? The little words at the bottom of a credit card offer or a bill that comes in the mail. Or maybe you have not heard the little bit of the announcer’s voice at the end of a radio offer.
I believe maybe this is what happened to Simon Peter that day. He was ready to hear all of the big print of Jesus. He was having a blast following this one. He was standing by and beaming as people were healed. He was passing out bread and fish to all of those hungry people that day. He was boasting to his friends, maybe some old fishermen friends of his that he was on the boat when that man named Jesus they talk about calmed the storm AND he saw Jesus walk towards HIM on the water. Yep, it’s true, Zaccheus came down from that tree and had dinner with us and now is a follower of him too and I was there to see it! I have seen people healed and I have helped manage the crowds that surround us at all hours of the day. I break bread with this one all the time. Simon Peter goes on and on in the Big print of Jesus.
Until he is stopped in his tracks….cold.
He is presented with a question. Who do YOU say that I am? I don’t want to hear anymore what other people tell you about me, Peter! I want to know who YOU say that I am! And he really did not have an answer except that safe Messiah answer. The word that everyone pretty much agreed on by now, the word that was rumbling in the streets, the word that was being whispered in the crowds when Jesus would heal and teach.
And so as the disciples stood by, maybe taking their jaws off of the floor, Jesus started talking about the fine print of following him. It was so much more than this Messiah stuff, Peter. It does not mean you get to have bragging rights about all of the wonderful things you witness when you follow me. It does not mean you talk about how there is always enough when I am around. It doesn’t even mean that you call me the Messiah and are always excited to follow. It means that you have your own cross…your own burden to bear. It means that you have your own call, your own ministry to learn and work with.
Can we identify with Peter today? Can Orrick United Methodist Church say the same things that Peter did at first?
Things are going along well for us. In fact, we are here every Sunday and we are blessed as a church family. We have a Sunday school program that also meets every Sunday morning. We are very open to letting groups use our church for things when they ask. We are involved with the community when we are asked. We donate a lot to The Salvation Army and we are excited about our recent connections with Grand Avenue Temple UMC in Kansas City, Missouri. We have a good working relationship with other churches in the community of Orrick. Our Pastor is young and excited to do new things and she can sing very well too! We always pay our apportiments, both district and conference! We have been through a lot too. For many years we faced pastoral changes often and we survived. We have been through a lot as a church family and keep going year after year, we make it.
And so Orrick UMC is going along, business as usual…things are going well. And Jesus asks us “Who does Orrick UMC say that I am?” And we shoot back some answers, probably a lot of the same ones that we were just yammering on about just like that group of disciples did. And he stops and looks each one of us in the eyes, “No, who do YOU say that I am?” We try to ignore. We do enough. We are busy. Things are crazy in our lives. We don’t know the right way to do ministry anymore. We are too tired, too old, too out of touch with everything in this world anymore to help it. We don’t know the answers so leave us alone. And eventually we spout off the easy answer. You are the messiah.
This is when we read the fine print just like Simon Peter and the rest of the disciples. This is when we find out and remember that we have a job to do. This is when we are reminded that we are disciples. This is when we are reminded that we are called. This is when we are told that we have a cross to bear and that we don’t just follow Christ bearing his cross. We read the fine print.
And we might get mad. We might get sad. We might get frustrated. We might run away. We might hide. We might want to throw something or give up. We only read the big print and WE were not supposed to be the ones who had to carry a cross. We were supposed to just follow along, happily whistling while we worked, but mostly watched. We were not supposed to be the ones who were healing, who were helping, who were answering questions from people. But today we are presented with the truth that WE are called to answer this question. Who do WE say that Jesus is? Have we read the fine print? Are we doing something about living the fine print?
I hope that you understand something as well. The big print has to be there for the fine print to make sense and really vice versa. It would have meant nothing for Simon Peter to be asked by Jesus who he said this man was if he did not have the experiences of following and what it meant to watch people’s lives be changed. It would not mean anything for me and you today to answer that question either if we did not have our church family, this building, and the legacy of those saints who have sat in these pews. If we could talk about the trials that Orrick UMC has faced in the many years that it has been around, it would not mean anything to us to answer that question for ourselves.
But it would not have made any difference in Peter’s life if that question would not have asked either. If Jesus would have just went on with business as usual that day after a few simple answers were spouted off to him. How devastating would it have been when only weeks later they saw the one who they were following have to carry his own cross to be hanged on and die hours later?
How terrible would it shake your faith if questions were not asked or if you were not allowed to ask questions? If we went on with business as usual in this church community and in our own lives, how hard would it be if you had something happen to you that was not business as usual? If you could not ask questions about your faith, to each other and to me, how much would all of the other ministry stuff that we do mean?
These two things, the calling and ministry work of a Christian and the questions of a personal ministry and connection with the Divine have to intersect, and when they do amazing things happen.
John Wesley called it something like “works of piety” and “works of mercy”. I like to say in my own Christian journey that I have to have a balance of the personal and communal in order to always grow, change, and reflect upon who I am in God. In other words, both the large print and fine print have to be read and understood.
Because when we read the fine print, when we balance the personal and communal, when we follow and lead both, when we go about business as usual and take risks, there is life. The cross reminds us today that it is a symbol of balance. It is a place where the most horrific thing happened and yet it brings life on Easter morning. The cross reminds us that the crucifixion is not the end of the story and today we can be reminded that the cross helps us realize that our story continues. It does not end with the fine print or the large print for that matter. Thank God. Amen.

Springing Foward

2009-03-07T22:16:00.002-06:00

I really like it. I know everyone hates losing an hour of sleep but really who doesn't love more sunshine every day?
It is going to be 7:00 PM and light outside again!!!! Hooray!

Music...

2009-03-06T20:23:00.004-06:00

Isn't it amazing how certain songs can bring back so much emotion and thought? I am thankful for music, a gift from God that allows me to connect with the Divine. I am thankful for songs that bring me back to how I felt at the very moments that I used to listen to them. I was reminded of a certain song just this past week that I love. It is a song that I sang in High School that changed my life. Even though I had gone to church for the first sixteen years of my life nearly every Sunday this song spoke to me in a way that a Pastor had ever managed to.
Below are the lyrics AND a video of my Alma Mater, Northwest Missouri State University's Tower Choir singing this amazing song...

The Awakening
I dreamed a dream,
A silent dream--of a land not far away.
Where no bird sang, no steeples rang,
And teardrops fell like rain.

I dreamed a dream,
A silent dream,
Of a land so filled with pride
That every song, both weak and strong,
Withered and died.
I dreamed a dream.

No alleluia, not one hosanna,
No song of love--no lullaby.
And no choir sang to change the world.
I dreamed a dream.
No pipers played; no dancers twirled.
I dreamed a dream, a silent dream. Silent.

Awake, awake, my soul, and sing!
The time for praise has come.
The silence of the night has passed;
A new day has begun.
Let music never die in me!
Forever let my spirit sing!
Wherever emptiness is found,
Let there be joy and glorious sound.
Let music never die in me!
Forever let my spirit sing!
Let all our voices join as one to praise the Giver of the song.

Awake! Awake! Let music live!

Joseph Martin

Taking A Stand...

2009-03-05T23:53:00.003-06:00

In the middle of a moment that made no sense I took a stand today.
In the midst of hate and misunderstanding, I defended human beings.
In the face of sin I showed God's love by having someone reconsider something that they had shared out loud. I called someone to the table when they needed it the most.

I had no idea when I asked about the movie "October Sky" tonight at Best Buy I would hear an offensive and hurtful term used to describe people who are gay. I had no idea that the word used would upset me so much and then in turn urge me to go talk to a manager.

Was it confusing? Yes. Did I have the perfect words? No.
Did I want to run away and cry? Kind of.
Did I change the world. I think so, even if just a little bit.

May you change the world a bit every day and love ALL of God's children...especially the ones who are cast out and even the ones who need some accountability to change.

Ideas...

2009-03-04T09:36:00.004-06:00

This Sunday at Orrick UMC the symbol will be the cross, specifically in reference to our calling as Christians. Think the Gospel of Mark reading something like this...

Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi; and on the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” And they answered him, “John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.” He asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Messiah.” And he sternly ordered them not to tell anyone about him.

Then he began to teach them that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.”

He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”
Mark 8:27-38

Last week as we talked about the peace of Christ the congregation prepared for communion and receiving a dove (the symbol of peace) by remembering their baptism. I am wondering if anyone has any ideas about what creative and tangible outlet could help prepare people to take communion and receive a cross (the symbol of calling?) What would actually make you think about being called?
Any and all suggestions are welcomed, please. And, thanks in advance.

Sometimes I fall asleep thinking of this...

2009-03-03T22:11:00.000-06:00

Just to share...

2009-03-02T20:40:00.002-06:00

My ELM Small Group leader at school shared a GREAT devotional website with us at Advent time called followingthestar.org. For Lent it is called journeytothecross.org. I have been spending about 10-15 minutes every day with this and wanted to share. Enjoy!

Sunday One Reflections

2009-03-01T21:53:00.002-06:00

I think I experienced the most meaningful worship service I have ever had with my congregation this morning. It is certainly on the list. The first Sunday of Lent, the season where we are contemplative and ask forgiveness at Orrick United Methodist Church started in a very beautiful way today.
The congregation that gathered this morning, small in number (due to some cold temperatures I am guessing) needed the worship service that I had planned. They needed the message of the peace that Christ can give. They needed to hear that through the wilderness, there can be peace. Even more they needed to take communion, remember their baptism and take home something that they could hold on to in the weeks ahead to remember the peace that passes all understanding.
I give God thanks for the message that was upon my heart this morning. I can honestly say, that the Holy Spirit used me as a vessel and I am so very thankful that it came at just the right time...Amen.

Lenten Sermon Series---Sunday One

2009-02-28T23:24:00.003-06:00

Each week of this Lenten Season, I am preaching on a "symbol of Christ." This week is the dove and I am going to remind people of the peace that Christ brings to us. Even through the wilderness we can have peace. I could go on and on about my sermon but really just wanted to share with you the sermon series point, itself. Every week some tangible form of the symbol will be hung on a dead branch at the front of the church. After the sermon there will be a reflection and communion time when the congregation will be invited forward to take a symbol of life from the dead branch. On Good Friday the branch will be bare. And on Easter Sunday that branch will be full of life, full of the symbols from past weeks and probably some flowers added as well. As I made the doves this evening (with Justin's help...thanks friend!), I said a prayer of peace for each person that would take home that symbol of Christ tomorrow.
May you find peace this day and all days ahead. Amen.

Decisions, Decisions.

2009-02-27T21:24:00.002-06:00

I got a Pastoral Care call early this morning about a decision that someone has made. I have many friends who are making some big decisions right now. I cannot help but think of the many Boards of Ordained Ministry members, Bishops, and Cabinet Members that are sitting down right now to make decisions.

"The Spirit wants....our peacemaking efforts to succeed.
If we are willing to follow our leadings---
to be followers of God rather than trying to lead God---
we will be brought to what we need to do and given what we need to do it."
Mary Lord, 1996

May God be in and with all the decisions that are being made. Amen.

Friends...

2009-02-26T18:06:00.000-06:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Anais Nin

Tonight, I am thankful for friends. I have had so many in just twenty-four years. Each friend has taught me something about myself and I am so happy to have known each and everyone of them. You might fall in more than one group...but I give thanks.
From the playpad at Grandview Elementary to Middle School and High School, I give God thanks for each of these friends who taught me about growing up and having fun. From the days at NWMSU, Phillips Hall and the Wesley Center, I give God thanks for the ones who taught me about a God that desires community that challenges and cares. For my friends at SPST, I give God thanks for the ones who walk with me as we explore what it means to be in ministry that helps the Reign of God be realized on this Earth.
For my friends who are not in Seminary, I give God thanks for your ability to "keep me real.
For all of my friends, no matter if we are still friends are not, I give so much thanks for the worlds that you have brought out in me. No matter if we are miles apart or live right next to one another, I thank you.
Love, Emily

Singing on Ash Wednesday...

2009-02-26T00:06:00.000-06:00

When I was in High School I was a music nerd. I was in Marching and Concert Band, Show Choir and Concert Choir and the Girl's Glee Club. I was even Drum Major...yeah, yeah. Laugh if you must. Some of my favorite memories of High School are the beautiful songs that are forever in my heart. From Marching Band, I have the "Mars" movement from Gustav Holst's, "The Planets." At Christmas time, I can still play along on my imaginary alto sax to Sleigh Ride by Leroy Anderson. I can still perform almost every movement to "Bang on the Drums All Day" with jazz hands and a smile to dazzle you. In Girl's Glee Club, one year we sang a song about friendship called, "If I Could Catch a Rainbow," the composer of that song came and performed the cello part with us at a concert one year. The memories are endless. I could write for days about them as you can probably tell by now. Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me, now let's get to the point.
One year in Concert Choir we sang a song that had the words to Psalm 51 set to an absolutely beautiful piano medley. I can see the words and notes on the paper still. I can STILL hear the tenor solo that starts the song and I am almost sure it is written in the key of G with one F#. That tenor voice cuts through complete silence and begins to beg God for a pure heart. The choir joins and reinforces the one voice asking for hearts and spirits that are renewed and celebrate salvation. The basses then start a deep "Kyrie Elison" and are joined by the entire choir eventually asking for mercy upon them. The song continues to heighten and hits a plateau with the entire choir singing the same line in unison. "Have Mercy on Me" they sing and that one lone tenor voice from earlier comes in and sings, "Kyrie" and resolves the song back to the Major key.
What an amazing image for the beginning of this Lenten Season. One lone voice cries out for help and a community of voices join them. Once the community is involved, grace and forgiveness comes. And when the community is still singing about the hope that has been found, that lone voice comes back, stronger than before and able to sing loud and clear that God has had mercy.
I pray that this Lenten Season is one where you get to be both the lone voice and a member of the Choir. I believe that God is calling each one of us to be our true, authentic selves and that takes courage. Sometimes that means we sing alone. However, God is also calling us to surround those that sing alone, those that have had the courage to step forward. Then they can sing with the confidence of one who is redeemed.
And maybe next time we are the one who steps forward or the one who is in the choir. It all starts over again. Isn't that amazing?

Trust Issues

2009-01-14T16:36:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have those moments when a friend just calls your attention to something that you really need to hear? This happened to me just the other day. Maybe your first reaction would be to thank them. I sort of wanted to yell at them. It was one of those moments when they really hit a nerve, really hit on something that I knew needed to be said. They were right. I was wrong. But, I am thankful that this person told me this in LOVE and I am thankful that it has had me reconsider some things.
Who can I trust? Now, don't get the wrong idea dear friends. I trust you. I feel loved. I feel cared for, I really do. But sometimes I forget to put my trust in God. That's right, I do. I admit it. And not only do I admit it, I understand it in such a deeper, more real way than I could have said just a year ago.
A theological education has inspired me to know why and how I am going to put my trust in God not just that I need to or that I should. I have been through some situations that make me want to disregard people but I am convinced that trust in God will restore these relationships. I believe there is a balance in trusting God and trusting others.
I was spending some "Emily time" today and found a quote in a book that inspired me to keep seeking to answer and consider that challenge a friend gave me.
"There is no going back.
We are a pilgrim people
who must take to the road again,
learning as we go to sing a new song
and to trust the God
who is always bringing new things to birth." Jo Farrow, 1990

I hope to no longer rely on the old roads that prove that I cannot trust people. I am going to walk on a new road and sing a new song. I pray you can begin to do the same.

Take Care, Em

Goodbye to 2008....glad I get to bring some along in 2009!

2008-12-31T14:48:00.000-06:00

With only about 9 hours left of 2008, I thought it was most appropriate to bid the year a goodbye. Part of me wants to not write some of this but I know it will be beneficial. You see, I want to hate this past year but in light of one of my chosen new year's resolutions to be more optimistic, I suppose I should find the good...so here we go!

January 2008 began with leaving Kansas on New Year's Day. I was happy to ring in the new year with my college girls. My, how much has changed for all of us that were gathered there at Allison's! That first weekend of January involved sorting through all of the books that Rev. John Yocum left me when he passed in August of 2007. I think I counted close to 2500 books. It is a GREAT library to start a career with! January also brought a study of United Methodist Polity into the Seminary schedule. Most of all from that class, I am thankful for the friends and stories that I have.
February 2008 gave me the opportunity to start Lent on the EARLIEST possible Wednesday ever...glad that won't happen again in my lifetime. :) Valentine's Day was nice...last good time I had with Matt all things considered. Second semester started and I was really excited to have an actual theology class on my plate.
March 2008 brought my first Holy Week as Pastor Emily. It started well with a music filled Palm Sunday, Maunday Thursday was great as we worshiped in the downstairs sitting around a table, and Easter Sunday was wonderful! My sermon series ended with possibly the best sermon I have ever preached and about 80 people present!
April 2008 was a tough month. It involved the worst case of bronchitis I have ever had that stuck around for the whole month, if not longer. I also had my first very close to me congregant die. Bert Boewker was a beautiful woman who taught me a lot about strength and love. Finally, one of the hardest decision I have ever made was followed through with on April 15th. A shout out to Crystal Hughes for preaching a sermon at Chapel at SPST that gave me the courage to free myself from something that was not healthy.
May 2008 started with a bronchitis free and very happy, single Emily. I have never wanted summer break so much in my life! In fact, I was so antsy I ordered a plane ticked for July to California to visit my grandparents. First was finishing classes, D-Com Check-up interviews, and saying some hard goodbyes. To start the celebration of summer, I BBQed with college friends and celebrated birthdays greek style at Tasso's in KC.
June 2008 brought Annual Conference, always an interesting experience but much fun with friends after hours. I partied with Megan CURTIS for the last time because on June 28th, I was honored to play the piano for her as she became Megan Rust! What a great time it was to be with my best friends dancing the night away! I also started confirmation classes with two thirteen year old girls. "What did I get myself into", was all I could think most Sundays.
July 2008 brought Vacation Bible School at Orrick UMC. I love teaching songs to children and had a great time. However, it was the week before California and I was soooooo ready for a vacation. July 15th came and Justin dropped me off at the airport in KC. I flew to Denver for a short layover and then I was in Sacramento. I was with my grandparents for a week of relaxation. I slept in most days, I used their hot tub, I went to the ocean. It was a good vacation. I also reconnected with cousins that I had not seen for years. On the journey home, I did learn of some hard news. Justin called to tell me Estelle Getty had died. I almost did not make it on to the plane back home but Ben and Jerry's came through with some chocolate concoction and things were ok. My vacation continued that week and I did the annual Worlds of Fun thing with some seminary peeps. Ripcord was AWESOME!
August 2008 was when we said goodbye to Emily D...I am still slightly mad at Iowa but glad to know she is happy with Nick. Kansas City became my home when I moved onto campus on August 9th...YES! Confirmation Sunday was the next week and it was a wonderful Sunday where my church showed me an awesome side of themselves and I felt truly blessed. Much of the end time of summer was spent with Katie and Justin just hanging out and enjoying being back as friends again.
September 2008 started and I was excited for school to begin again. I had a schedule that looked awesome, I lived in KC, I had a job on campus that was exciting, and I was no longer a scared first year seminarian. It was a hard month but I learned who my closest friends were and continued to live despite some really hard stuff that was facing me.
October 2008 was even harder than September...yeah, I couldn't believe it either. But, some bright spots in some very dark times include my birthday celebrationS! Thanks all for making it a great birthday week. I also celebrated with Lindsey DUENSING for the last time as we prepared for Mr. and Mrs. Kinley and Lindsey Winfrey to be announced for the first time. My first experience of being a bridesmaid was not anything like I thought it would be...great time seeing friends and dancing.
November 2008...well I would like to say it got better, hmmmm. In all fairness in some ways, it did! Crystal and I wrote an awesome paper about Process Theology and Marriage that opened up some doors for me on the subject. I was proud to be an American as I saw history made with my closest friends when Barack Obama was elected President. Justin and I saw "The Lion King" and the Orrick Bearcats kept winning playoff games. I had some major "growing up" moments with my family and survived, it was anything but easy but it has been affirming to assert who I am and what I believe.
December 2008 was a whirlwind of friends, food, and football. I saw my college girls for some Holiday cheer. I met many friends for lunch and dinner engagements. The Orrick Bearcats won the State Championship. The Northwest Bearcats are still my team, always. Oh yeah, I ended the semester to end all other semesters and think my grades and more importantly what I learned about me are something to be marveled. Advent was great at Orrick UMC and Christmas Eve turned into a beautiful expression of the Christ child illuminating the darkness of our world. Ending the year with a road trip to OKC for one last wedding (yay Kyle and Heather) was fun and reminded me just how thankful I am for my friends who love me no matter what.

Whew! What a year. I am going to venture to say it is possibly the most eventful year of my life. So much has changed for me. As I look back on the year I do see good, I see hope, I see love.
2009 holds so much possibility....hopefully one of those will be more regular blog posts ... time will tell. :)

As Always...Kermit the Frog sings it perfectly...

2008-12-24T13:12:00.001-06:00

There's magic in the air this evening
Magic in the air
The world is at her best, you know
When people love and care
The promise of excitment is one the night will keep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

The world has gotta smile today
The world has gotta glow
There's no such thing as strangers
When a stranger says "Hello"
And everyone is family, we're havin' so much fun
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

'Tis the season to be jolly and joyous
With a burst of pleasure we feel it all right
It's a season when the Saints can employ us
To spread the news about peace and to keep love alive
"Merry Christmas, so long!"

There's somethin' in the wind today that's good for everyone
Yes, faith is our hearts today, we're shinin' like the sun
And everyone can feel it, the feelin's runnin' deep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas day

My Benediction Prayer for Christmas Eve Service 2008

2008-12-23T11:10:00.000-06:00

*This is posted with credit to Howard Thurman, the author AND with credit to me for digging through textweek.com for an hour or so to find something that I really loved. Here it is! Merry Christmas!!!!

When the song of the angels is stilled,
when the star in the sky is gone,
when the kings and princes are home,
when the shepherds are back with the flocks,
then the work of Christmas begins:
to find the lost,
to heal those broken in spirit,
to feed the hungry,
to release the oppressed,
to rebuild the nations,
to bring peace among all peoples,
to make a little music with the heart…And to radiate the Light of Christ,
every day, in every way, in all that we do and in all that we say.
Then the work of Christmas begins.

Vulnerability

2008-12-18T23:17:00.000-06:00

Being vulnerable...something I am not always good at, believe me. Those who know me well will not understand this at first. Because I am the one who everyone knows every emotion from. I am the one who "wears her heart on her sleeve" (both actually). Emily is the one who everyone can count on to share how she is feeling so that others who tend to not want to open up can feel comfortable. Emily is the drama queen. Emily cries. Emily is the worry wart. Emily panics. Emily gets frustrated and you know it.

Being vulnerable....for me it is more than that. For me, it is not opening up. For me it does not mean I share every feeling in my heart. For me, it's different. For me it is trusting the other to do so. For me it is not the moments of vulnerability that are necessarily hard, it is the moments after. The reactions, the fears of what it might mean for the other person for me to be honest, the constant worry that I am not worth it. For me, it is a hope that I can help some way too.

Being vulnerable...it might seem like I am good at it, I am not. But I will keep trying, because for now I am safe and loved.

Take Care, Em.

Growing Up...

2008-11-24T17:45:00.000-06:00

I did not know that there would actually be a point in my life where I would know and I mean really know that I was growing up. In the last few months, I have really started to feel some growing pains. For me the pain involves moving on from some stuff that has consumed my life in the past. It has been hard to step forward. I wonder if I can somewhat identify with that little boy named David who was not the most likely person to be chosen that day. He was and I have been. Stepping away from the comfortable has been scary. I have cried a lot. I have been angry. I have wanted to run away.
However, David was anointed and so have I.
In my eyes, I am the least likely to go forward. To me, it does not make sense for the youngest to grow up. None of it seems likely. It is chaos.
And yet, somehow I have become stronger. Somehow, I have made it.
And for the first time in my life, I can say that I want to grow up. I want to change. I want to dream. I want to imagine. I am not afraid anymore.

I am back and this is my prayer for today....

2008-11-03T08:44:00.000-06:00

This is based on Psalm 37...
Do not fret about the wicked, do not envy those who benefit from wrong, for they wither like grass which lacks water.
Trust in the creative process. And do good, for those who do good dwell in the Divine. And great is that reward.
Commit your ways to the Eternal, and it shall come to pass. Be quiet in the bosom of God, rest there.
Do not trouble yourself with those who scheme.
Cease from anger, forsake wrath.
For evildoers cut themselves off from their endowment, the only inheritance worth a lifetime.
The wicked limit their lives with their own actions.
For the internal treasure of a childlike pauper is greater than the greatest fortune.
Amen? Amen.

Annual Conference Review

2008-06-14T23:22:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been almost a week and really I needed that much time to decompress.
My reaction to Annual Conference has been one of much contemplation, some tears, and a couple of smiles here and there.
All I can say now after much reflection, prayer, and a week of getting back into the swing of things is that somwhere deep inside of me there is still a hope. However, I am not sure that hope was rekindled at Annual Conference.
Sure, there were great things like PET donations giving mobility to almost 600 people, 2500 nets will be bought, thus 2500 lives will be saved, the Watoto Children's Choir sang with so much joy I was in tears the entire time.
But then there was the constant negativity all around me, the feelings of the church sinking, the questions that go unanswered.
Did we really not mention the people of China? The war? And did I really see on the GC Video that "controversial issues were discussed in a holy conferencing way?" How about the fact that people are behind those issues. Come on, it is not hard to figure out what that little 5 second snippet on the video was about.
The hope has been rekindled by talking with colleagues, seeing my Seminary friends "after hours" at Conference, and praying for Orrick UMC--visioning for what the next three years will be like. The hope lies in realizing in just 5 short years, I will be ordained. The hope lies in the learning and growing that happens at SPST. The hope lies in a new Mentor being assigned as a former one moves to a new District. The hope lies in the light of Christ, the call and the dismissal to go out and make disciples.
There are glimmers......Squint, you can see them.

We will just see how long it lasts...

2008-05-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

So, I am about to write a big post about how committed I am right now to certain things and then I realize that almost a month ago I made a blogging covenant that I have long since broken. Really I have already proved my future blog that you will read in seconds to be correct but if you are still interested, read anways.
I wonder if anyone else does in life what I am doing right now? I have made some major changes like a break-up and summertime and I am finding myself to be way more organized than usual. I am devoting more time to spiritual things. I even have stopped biting my nails ( a habit that has plagued me since third grade---that is about 20 years folks).
Anyway, it is almost like since a few things changed, in order to adjust I have had to change EVERYTHING. It is not necessarily bad but I just wonder how long these good new habits, patterns, etc. will stick with me. I am going to guess they will say goodbye sometime in late July or early August. Until then, I have some big ideas for the summer.
They include but of course are not limited to:
1. Planning worship for the upcoming year---so far I have done some work on this, waiting for Annual Conference to come and go and for some conversation with Pastor friends to happen.
2. Reading A LOT....reading things that I want to, books that I am not forced to read. Some on my list are theology minded, some are local church minded, some are books I have wanted to read since last summer. I have started the first of fifteen books on the list this week. I want to devote 10 hours a week to this endeavor.
3. Reading for fun...and this means totally fictional books. So far, really good! I am reading a series called The Sisters Grimm. It is not quite Harry Potter caliber but takes me somewhere other than SPST, Higginsville, or Orrick.
4. Get a consistent office hour time going at Orrick UMC---Not sure how to go about this. I know I am the Pastor and everything but I want to pick a time when people will feel comfortable stopping in. Also, it has to be something that will work when classes pick back up in the Fall.
5. VACATION---I have the plane ticket to California to see my Grandparents for a week in July. Now I just have to figure out how to afford the gas for day trips while I am out there! I will go to the beach, a winery, and San Fransico!
6. Pack to move away from Mom and Dad....no work on this yet. Will start on that following #5.

WOW, that's a lot to do, huh??? Again, we will see where I am in a month or so.
Hopefully I am writing a fourth blog because I really do want to keep that covenant.
Later, Emily

Almost did not make it...

2008-05-03T21:07:00.001-05:00

It's been a week. That means I should blog again.
I do have lots on my mind but if I started typing about certain General Conference decisions, my loathing of exegesis assignments, or how I believe in Infant Baptism even more than I used to due to a discussion in Systematic Theology, I could be up ALL night. That is not good for someone who is trying to get over bronchitis, so I will save all of those blogs for another day.
Today, I wanted to share the lyrics to a Sarah McLachlan song that I happen to love and also have been thinking about lately.

It’s not that usual when everything is beautiful
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
You don’t need to teach a seed to grow
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn’t it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle?

Its seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Somehow, someway I will get through the rest of this semester, get healthy, and have a summer that is relaxing yet productive. And that will be a miracle.....

My Blogging Covenant

2008-04-26T20:22:00.000-05:00

So here it is April and I have one entry from the past three months on my blog....good work.
April almost ended with not one entry.
I am making a promise to myself to officially be a blogger. I need to make it a spiritual practice.
So here is the covenant I make with myself and like the two people who read this now.

I promise not to think daily "Wow, this would be cool to blog about" and then not do it for various reasons which include things like laziness/forgetting, thinking no one will care, thinking my thoughts are not valid/important, etc.
I promise to blog about something at least weekly.
I promise to read other blogs and comment on them, in the interest of having productive conversations with my colleagues.

Signed, Emily Lorraine Carroll

What's on my mind the day after....

2008-03-24T11:15:00.000-05:00

The day after Easter. And I needed the break. What a week I had last week! Seminary, funeral, Holy Week things, and finally yesterday was a 4:00 Alarm Time and not home until after 2:00 PM...so I slept in today.
And now that I am awake and avoiding doing schoolwork for awhile (I have declared at least the first part of this day as my RESURRECTION), alot is on my mind.
Mostly, I am thankful that the words for an Easter Message really came to me this past week and came out pretty well yesterday.
And sometimes I think maybe I should not preach the type of sermon I preached yesterday. I get nervous about how a "Jesus dies for EVERYONE" sermon might go over in a little, rural town but I am constanly reminded by things that happen there that first the people need to hear it and that second a lot of them already believe it, just don't live it out loud.
Praise God for a good Easter Sunday and praise God for a break today!

Something I don't understand...

2008-02-23T08:44:00.000-06:00

At the end of last semester, I thought I had a revelation. I thought I really learned something about myself. It was something that I needed to work on. Something that needed to change quickly if I was going to be able to do this Seminary/Ministry thing. So I decided to start sharing this BIG revelation with some friends. I have told about three people my BIG revelation and I get the same reaction from all of them. "Wow Em! I never noticed that about you before!" (This phrase is dripping in sarcasm every time, by the way)

This has made three main questions come to mind...
Why is it that everyone else can see something about me, but I cannot?
And why is that my BIG revelation is something that I see no one else struggle with?
How do I change this about me?

This is the revelatioin, are you ready for it? Apparently if you know me at all, you know it already.

I have very little self-confidence in my abilities. I have a little bit more when it comes to the ministry/call of God aspect, but that little I have there totally becomes obsolete when you consider academics. I make up excuses for what I am upset about when most days it all comes back to the fact that I have no belief in my mind that I can actually do this work set out before me. And most of the time my mind is way too busy comparing my papers/grades/ministry setting/calling to others while simultaneously finding the faults with my stuff to even worry about a paper that is due the next week....

I don't know who reads this...and I don't know what you could even tell me about self-confidence. And I don't know if this is even a valid feeling for someone like me to have.

I am blessed. I am getting a MASTER'S degree. I have a roof over my head. I have extra money at the end of each month.

Why can't I be confident?...only God knows, I guess.

I guess it's time...

2008-01-29T20:58:00.000-06:00

Well, I have considered a blog for a long time now but have never really thought that I had anything too important to say...but after reading and thinking about what others share about themselves and their expereinces in the blogging world, I have decided that what others have to say matters to me so why should I assume my insights won't be helpful.

After a semester of seminary, I am finding myself always sorting through all of the changes I have experienced, some decisions I have made, and reanalyzing some old thoughts. I honestly can say today that I cannot name for certain a lot of my beliefs as far as God, the Church, United Methodists, etc. BUT, if I have learned ANYTHING in the last 6 months, it is this: If we cannot talk about things, there is no point in even trying. There are so many things that we can find to disagree about, and I am convinced that if we don't believe in talking about those things, we have lost all presence of God.

I have figured out one thing for sure. God is in the conversations that challenge, mold, and create us. For now, I will still seek God even in those places where I am scared, confused, or uncertain.
The other night at a Student Pastor meeting, something came out of my mouth before I even could realize it.
"I love Seminary, so I don't understand how anything bad could come out of that love."
Wow! Praise God for being where I need to be.....Emily